So much fruitless talks on domestic violence-no backup actions/solidarity from men


By Jacqui IWU

TUE, OCTOBER 10 2017-theG&BJournal-OK…am I really going to talk about this problem this October?  Before opening my notebook to write this, I had viral thoughts about why this issue keeps going down the drain despite all the talks on stopping domestic violence. By the way, I still see people who narrow domestic violence down to the male folks battering and abusing the women only. Well, they are right in their own sense because most times, the female folks are the ones at the receiving end of this monster attitude.

As I see several campaigns at home/abroad on domestic violence, I wonder why I see only women carrying the touch for this violent act on humanity year after year.  Where are the men who actually perform this act?  Now someone reading this will say…c’mon …seriously Jacqui….do you really think men will have the guts to talk against this openly since they are the ones guilty most times?  Je sais… sais…of course I know and, that is part of the reason why the more only women do the advocacy…the lesser results we get . If we get men to do just the way women do, talk and counsel fellow men from the male angle& perspective, I strongly believe there will be a huge change of attitude.

I personally have thought about the cold attitude of men towards this ugly act and have been pondering how to get more men participate in the campaigns. Now if you have some ideas on how to get men join hands with women to stop this act of violence post it here – #talkbacktobwj . Share with the public how you think the world can convince or get the men especially African Americans, Africans join in this crusade. Now do not get me wrong ….you might be thinking…..Wait a second Jacqui…why only these two group of men? Are they the only males that batter and abuse women in the entire world? Honestly people…they are not…but I am just picking them probably because I can relate to their nature being an African myself.  Other males from other races batter and abuse women too. Please if you are reading this conversation and  you belong outside African race with passion to join me spread this good message, please come on board….i will very much appreciate to hear from you….no hard feelings guys…none…..whatsoever from Jacqui.

Ok…let’s keep this talk rolling before October is over!!   I am not here to list out why men who batter and abuse women do so…or why the few women we hear about battering their male partners do so. Women battering men? Honestly this sounds more wired and awkward even saying it. Each time I hear that a woman beats or abused her husband, what always come to my mind is – she is absolutely crazy…she must be as huge as a hippo to even beat a man up. Sounds funny huh? Yea! it does sound funny and un-natural to me at the same time because men are the ones with so much physical strength than females. So to imagine a woman battering a man! Really funny!  I know women can abuse men verbally…grrrr….lots of women are experts in that one and believe me- do not get me started on this area or else I will not finish this today. I have personally witnessed some women abuse their partners verbally and when I left, I felt worse than the men they talked to.  Are you aware that emotional abuse is as dangerous as physical abuse?  If not that in the process of battering a woman you could kill her-something like one slap could be painful  but, the ugly words of abuse you dish out to someone will continue ringing in the head of that person for life.

I remember while in high school, I had some really trouble makers as friends. They were always called out and punished by the teachers. Now teachers then were allowed to use small cane on palms of students lightly when they misbehaved. It got to a stage my friends said to me when I tried cautioning them to behave well—they said- ‘’after all it is just one or two strokes of cane from that wicked teacher’’.  So each time the teachers called them out in front of the class to punish them with cane, before the teacher even brought out his/her cane, my friends already stretched out their palms for the strokes. Meaning, the few strokes of cane given to them by the teacher meant nothing, they just endured the pains and that is it!  When the teachers discovered, that they were wasting time with the cane on them, they stopped and used verbal punishment. Believe me, one of my friends whom one teacher called – ‘an ugly duckling with frog legs’ cried for months and hated that teacher till we left high school. You see my drift?  Verbal abuse!! These teenage girls got used to the cane strokes but the day they were called ugly names by one teacher who also swore to get her revenge on them for wasting her energy and time in flogging them, they stopped misbehaving. Their emotions were terribly hurt by the words of the mouth more than the pains from the cane.  This kind of abuse, women are so much guilty of this-I don’t know about you, but this to me still fall under domestic abuse from the females and I totally condemn it. Someday, not today, I will pick on this and expand it more.

My aim today on domestic violence is to beam a search on how more men will get involved in advocating.

For women who are so passionate about stopping this crude act, you have a lot of home work to do. I think it will be easier for women to devise ways of involving as much men as they can in the campaign. If we say- leave it alone for men to initiate, we keep going in circles. This does not mean it is a taboo to see men championing or spearheading crusades against domestic violence. It is not a taboo or abnormal but believe me, I have not seen any…not even one male with such a crusade. I am yet to see. If you know or have seen any male passionately carrying a torch for this, send me the link. I am not kidding folks…send me the link or hook up with me direct on- #talkbacktobwj

Finally, as we speak out against domestic violence this month of October, let it not just be an October thing…it should be a continuous advocacy where ever we are. For males in my country, who have passion for this but looking for women to work with and promote your course, talk to me and we will work together.

Jacqui IWU is a Media Communications & PR strategist|A Life &Business Coach with passion for youth and women Economic/Social Empowerment. |Twitter- |@vivantjacqui| #talkbacktobwj

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